The "Superior Wife Syndrome"

This was taken from an email I received last year from Family Life, a non-profit ministry both my husband and I subscribe to, donate to, and receive helpful information about life's encounters with regards to families, relationships, marriage.

October 12, 2009
The "Superior Wife Syndrome"
by Barbara Rainey

On a recent Monday morning, I had turned on the Today Show to catch our local news and weather on the half hour. As I listened from the kitchen I heard one of the hosts introduce an author with new research on wives. The title of her book is The Superior Wife Syndrome. When I heard the intro I grabbed my notepad and sat down to hear about the latest syndrome to afflict our population. I was ready to critique.
But as I listened I found myself agreeing with some of what she said, though I wouldn't go so far as to label it a syndrome. The author, Karen Rubenstein, has discovered that millions of wives think they do everything better than their husbands. They feel they are more responsible, more capable, and in a word, more superior. Hmmm, I thought. Sounds a little more like pride to me.
There is truth to this discovery. Beginning in the 1960s, women have been instructed to do it all. We've been told we can work full time and raise kids at the same time, all with great success. Many have gone so far as to say we don't need men. Women's drive to achieve equality in the work place has resulted in this attitude of superiority, I believe.
This temptation to exalt ourselves over our men is as old as the earth. I find myself dealing with this attitude more than I'd care to admit. I load the dishwasher more efficiently than he, I fold the clothes better than he, and I pack the car much more neatly than his haphazard preference of just throwing it all in and slamming the door to keep it from falling out.
And when I focus on how much better I am in certain tasks and responsibilities I can quickly move to feeling superior. In addition I'm learning this is much more of a temptation in the empty nest. When we had kids my corrective measures were directed at them and less at my husband. Now he is the sole focus of my rehabilitation and retraining efforts. Poor man.
Rubenstein gave three tips for this syndrome which are not new, but they are good to remember because they are timeless. First, ask for help. He can't read your mind. Second, educate him with logic, not emotional outbursts. And third, be willing to settle for less.
I would add a fourth tip: Let him be who he is, as my husband would say. And he is so right, because there is more than one way to do a task. My way isn't always right and his isn't always wrong. Most of our conflicts aren't about right and wrong anyway, but about personal preferences for how something is accomplished. In the end it's not a big deal anyway. Certainly not worth the damage to your marriage and to your man that an attitude of superiority will cause.

© Copyright 2009 by FamilyLife. All rights reserved.

Valdez-Barillaro Ceremony

...and several years after they officially met, they were married.  I'm talking about our friends Thomas and Michelle Barillaro.  They took their comittment into God's hands, received a blessing of a lifetime and vowed in marriage on August 7, 2010 at St. Basil's Church in Vallejo, California.  It was a sweet ceremony with some giggles, tears, lots of smiles & joy...all that filled the church at 2:30 PM on a bright and sunny Saturday afternoon.   

Michelle is naturally beautiful, but there was something about her glow as she walked down the aisle along side her parents and approached her love Thomas.  Being a bride, perhaps? Maybe so, but possibly it could be because this was a long time coming for this couple. Her glow signified a deep love they have together--a treasure noone can ever comprehend.

 

Being engaged for a few years and having gone through so much together, while also bringing into the world their adorable daughter Skye Lauren 2 years ago, this was definitely a wedding their family and friends have been looking forward to for a while. And after they made their promises before God and everyone in attendance, it was truly a lovely scene to see them walk back up the aisle hand in hand as Mr. & Mrs. Thomas & Michelle Barillaro.

Reception details to come...

"...for where your treasure is, there your heart will also be."  Matthew 6:21

We Reveal...

"A dream becomes a goal the moment you write it down. A goal becomes a plan the moment you break it down into doable steps. A plan becomes a reality only when you take action." - Marshall Sylver

I just heard someone screamed “ACTION!”

It’s been a few months now that we’ve been collectively working on our website.  With the starting help from Joanne (Duka), we continued to edit the site with our own personal touches.  Courtney did a lot, if not MOST of the work in editing, adding stylish pages, learning the different tools and trends of creating a website.  A magical process, I must say.  While I kept up with the blog, we worked and tag-teamed a lot of the things we wanted to feature on our site. Courtney really did an exceptional job with www.ccengagements.com. (“how do you like that as a revealing moment, Let?”).  :)

Yes, that’s right…we want to reveal to you

www.ccengagements.com

We know hard work can pay off eventually (and we have no doubt in our hearts that it will).  But we feel it started to already. Just the fact that we sit here and have taken a step forward to venturing off into a dream of our own, it’s an incredible feeling—a sense of accomplishment toward our purpose on this Earth.

We welcome you to visit, browse through, and spread the word to family & friends, especially to those looking for a little help, or a lot of help with their wedding. Nothing’s too small, nor to big to make your visions of a dream wedding come true.

Thank you to those who have patiently been waiting...and even thanks to those who are now in the know and have visited this blog and our website. We’re proud to be a part of this beginning, and will be more proud to be a part of yours. 

Be on the lookout for C&C Engagement's Facebook page...bringing you real life stories, ideas, pictures and all sorts of relational/engagements/wedding/marriage related chatter.

...and...

~stay tuned for photos from this past weekend's Purple wedding of our friends Mr. & Mrs. Thomas & Michelle Barillaro (congratulations!)~

 

Letlove Photo Shoot

See, I told you I’d bring her up again sooner or later… 

Court & I had the pleasure of working with Ms. Letlove herself of Letlove Photography a couple weeks ago. Even though we thought we were pretty sure we didn’t need a fancy background and we wanted it to be easy on the eyes for our website, we just couldn’t resist the beauty of what the coast offers. And that’s the view of the Pacific Ocean. 

So we hopped in the car after meeting with Let at her beautiful home in Pacifica, and took a stroll on Hwy 1. We could’ve stopped anywhere, to be honest, but we wanted a bit of seclusion.  We parked and although the wind wasn’t cooperating and we were near a parking lot area (no privacy - eh, all good), Let still snapped away & captured some great photos.  She also took us to a near-by secluded field near her home and continued to showcase her vision for nature’s beauty and placing us right smack in the middle of it. Phenomenal outcome! 

[caption id="attachment_288" align="aligncenter" width="340" caption="Courtesy of Letlove Photography"][/caption]

She’s a natural at hand, has a thirst for life’s moments, and knows when and how to make you laugh and feel pretty.  Courtney & I commend Lileth on a job well done.  And even when not feeling 100%, she photographed with all her might.  That tells you how truly dedicated she is and how much she loves her passion for capturing memorable and timeless moments to be treasured for lifetimes.  Thanks Let! Keep doing what you’re doing. We love you! 

[caption id="attachment_282" align="aligncenter" width="398" caption="Courtesy of Letlove Photography"][/caption]